How did I get here?

I know that I was supposed to post regularly about losing weight and all that good stuff. Well, of course I didn't do it. I was hoping that during my blogging absence I'd be able to come back and say ta-da! Look at me! I've lost weight! Well that's a negative. If anything, I feel like my body HATES me! I don't eat like a maniac. I'm not one of those people you see on TLC who eats 10,000 calories a day. I eat like a normal person. But my body doesn't seem to get that. It holds onto every single calorie I take in. I've been to the doctors. No, I don't have a thyroid issue.  I wish I did cause at least I'd know what the problem was. I *thought* I knew my body. When I'm not working out consistently, I know how many calories I need to consume to maintain my weight. Well, I've been eating the maintaining calories and I am gaining weight! I'll readily admit that I hate the gym and the idea of working out makes me cringe. I do know that in order to lose weight, it's not all about the diet. I have to exercise. So if I was mainintaining my weight, I'd be fine because I know to lose, I need to workout and eat the same, if not increase my caloric intake. But to be eating within my limits and to still be gaining weight?!?!? That is completely and utterly unacceptable to me.

Now I feel disgusting and nasty. I've gotten to the point where I don't like taking pictures because I know I'm going to look like a beached whale. Saturday we went to a friend's cookout. Everyone was taking pictures. I was hoping to avoid being caught on camera. No such look. So here I am; fat, hot, sweaty.

That's me on the left, in the "slimming" black t-shirt. Who am I foolin? I don't know why my thighs look so freakin big! They're not. I guess it's a bad angle. Or maybe I'm delusional.

I had planned on starting the South Beach Diet today anyway because I figured I needed something to jump start my weight loss. But seeing this picture on Facebook (which I untagged cause I don't want anyone looking at it) has renewed my vigor. I can't go through the rest of my life looking like this and be happy with it. I'm not happy with it! I will be turning 40 in two years. I want to be 40 and FABULOUS. Not 40 and FAT! I am 5'1" and I weigh over 200lbs. GAH! I can't believe I just spilled the beans on my weight. *sigh* But I needed to acknowledge the number so that I can now move away from it. 

So can I get back to this? When I was 20 lbs lighter almost two years ago? I still had some semblance of a waist. That's what I miss the most. I had awesome abs and toned thighs. I want them back!

Or this? When I was 120 and had actual muscles and definition?

My first goal is to get to picture number one. It's about baby steps; setting small goals so that you don't get discouraged.

My goal for this week: Workout 3 times this week. Doesn't mean I'm actually going to the gym. The weather is going to be beautiful this week - high 70s. So I will be taking some, if not all, my walks outside. I still need to incorporate strength training because building muscle helps rev up your metabolism.

I do want to get back to running. I'm hoping once I've lost the first 10 - 15 pounds I can get back to it.

I will be tracking my progress. I need to hold myself accountable. So I'm going to start posting updates every Monday about how the previous week went.

Wish me luck!

NYC Birthday

Last weekend, we went to NYC for hubby's 40th birthday. It was a quick, overnight trip. We left Saturday and returned Sunday. We went to see the Chris Rock play, The Motherf*cker with the Hat. It was surprisingly good. Neither one of us had ever been to a play, especially a Broadway play, before. Because of the short trip, we stayed in Times Square. After the play, we walked around and soaked in NYC and  Times Square. We ended up at a sports bar named Tonic. That place was so much fun. We ended staying, having drinks, listening to music and laughing at the drunk girl who was dancing her butt off! I definitely want to go back to NYC for an extended stay.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to the awesome Moms (and some Dads) out there. May this be a day of family, fun and relaxation.
I told my son last night that I am off the clock officially at 12:01am! LOL! We'll see how that goes.
I plan on having dinner with the family and being pampered and adored. I know the dinner is happening but the latter? Hmph...I'll probably be asked to do something today even though I plan on not lifting a finger.
Enjoy!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Happy Easter!

Fat Tuesday! No Meat Zone.

Laissez Les Bon Temps Roule! (Let The Good Times Roll!)

Today is Fat Tuesday! Woo hoo! One of these days, I want to visit New Orleans during Mardi Gras. I bet that is an experience one will never forget.

Today is my last day as a meat eater; at least for the next 40 days.  I'm not Catholic but since I was 18 and learned about Lent from my college roommates, every year  I have given up a vice for Lent. Last year it was alcohol. At the time, I didn't think I'd be able to do it. The first week was difficult but I managed to last the entire 40 days without drinking. Woo hoo! What did I learn from this? I seriously needed to cut back on my alcohol intake. I still drink now, but not as much as I used to. I would use alcohol as a way to soothe when I was stress or as a sleeping aid. That's not good. It could have easily turned into a terrible, destructible habit. Plus, I don't need those extra, empty calories!

This year I'm giving up MEAT. Yep, I'm going vegetarian. I was thinking about going vegan after watching an episode of Oprah where she and her staff went vegan for 7 days. My brother did it for 7 days and succeeded but he said it wasn't easy. Veganism means you don't eat anything from an animal which means no DAIRY! I love yogurt. I have to have my yogurt everyday so I know I would not have the willpower to be a vegan for 40 days. So I'm going for the next best thing. In conjunction of going vegetarian, I'm also not drinking alcohol again. Might as well go all the way or not at all.

Wish me luck! I'm not a big meat eater but there are times where I crave a burger and must have Popeye's.  Yum!! Tonight we're having leftover lasagna for dinner. It'll be my last meal with meat. I'm so going to savor it!

Motivation (or lack of)

Motivation is a mutha, ain't it? Since my last post I have made it to the gym thrice (3 times). I am awesomely consistent with working out Saturday mornings. But the other days of the week? Not so much. I try to workout before work. I set my alarm at 4:30am with the goal of rolling out of bed and going to the gym. I set two alarms to be exact; scheduled to off 7 minutes apart to make sure that I don't hit the snooze and go back to sleep. Do I go to the gym? Nope. My bed is too comfy and it's too cold outside. I then vow to go to the gym after work. But after a long day at work, a harrowing commute, making dinner, yelling at the kid for who knows what, I'm pretty much exhausted by 7:00pm. I put on my comfy sweats and lounge on the couch until bed time. And this is the cycle that happens everyday, Monday thru Friday.

What am I to do? These are the times where I wish I could afford a personal trainer. Knowing that someone is there waiting for me, someone that I am paying, would help get my ass out the house and to the gym. Unfortunately, a personal trainer is mucho expensive and I don't have that kind of extra money to spend. I don't workout with a friend so I don't have a gym buddy to help keep me motivated. I'm all on my own here.

I need to come up with some type of reward/demerit system for myself. I am my own cheerleader and motivator. I need to focus and stop letting LIFE get in the way. And stop with the excuses and procrastinating. Easier said than done, right?

On the bright side, I've been eating much healthier thanks to not having any migraine medication for almost a month. I've had to do a better job of managing my triggers (food, stress, alcohol) because I didn't have any meds (thanks to my raggedy-ass insurance). That's a long story for another day. Because of this, I've been cutting back on the sugar and fat and alcohol. The change hasn't been reflected on the scale but I am happy that I held off getting a migraine without medication. This is not to say that I don't want my meds; I do. I see the medication as a safety net; Use In Case of Emergency.

I need to schedule my workouts like I schedule doctors appointment. It needs to become a habit; something that I do daily, like eating breakfast. Thankfully a new week is upon us. Let's see how this goes.

Go me!!

Greatest Compliment EVER!

You all know that I'm not cool with aging and getting older. I hate the entire process. I know it's a part of life blah, blah, blah. But it doesn't mean that I have to like it! I just celebrated by 38th birthday and luckily, I haven't dwelled on it too much. I think it's due to being occupied by my shiny, new iPad. Is it possible to fall in love with an electronic gadget? Because I think I have. The iPad is the Best. Invention. Ever! Anyway, I digress......

Friday night was Darrius' basketball practice. I hate that his practice is on a Friday night. Who does that? Some parents do have a social life!

So while the boys were taking a water break, Coach G walked over to me to chat. I didn't feel like being bothered because I was engrossed in watching one of my favorite episodes of  Sex and the City on my iPad. He started talking to me and I reluctantly took my earbuds out of my ears.

Coach G: Are you going to scrimmage with us?
Me: Ummm...no. Don't think so.
Coach G: Your husband scrimmaged with us last week.
Me: Good for him (insert sarcastic tone)
Coach G: Oh come on!
Me: I'm not dressed for it. I'm wearing jeans.
Coach G: If I can run up and down the court with those boys, so can you. You're like, 30, right? I got more years on you. I'm 41.
Me: No I'm not 30 (laughing and preening inside)
Coach G: You're not?
Me: Nope.

So yeah, Coach G thinks I had Darrius when I was 18. LOL! I told him my real age and he was surprised. On the way home, I told Darrius the story. He laughed. I told Darrius that I'm going to start telling everyone that I'm 30 and that I had him when I was 18. Then Darrius added to the story saying I should say that my parents took care of him while I was away at school. Haha!

That's my story. And I'm sticking to it! :D