Yep! I'm still here

I can't believe it's been almost a year since my last post. A lot has happened and on the flip side, not much has changed. Since my June 13th post, I became the mother of a teenager. Yikes! It's been stressful, trying and sometimes I look at my son and think, "that is not the kid I gave birth to." So far I haven't killed him or caused bodily harm. I've been showing great restraint and patience.

Don't let the cute face fool ya

In September, my maternal grandmother passed away. It hit me hard. I mean really hard. She was my last surviving grandparent. She's the one that gave me my name. It still hurts but I know that she is in a better place. Always, the up side to a death in the family is that family comes together. It was great seeing all of my uncles, aunts and cousins. We are scattered all over the country and don't get to see each other as much as we should. With the death of my grandmother, we all made a vow to not let so much time go by without visiting whether it be in a central location or whatever.

The weight struggle continues on. I went to my Gyno at the end of last year and I didn't gain any weight! Woo hoo! But I hadn't lost any either. Boo. So right now, I am using the internet to help me with my weight loss. I'm using the Lose It! app to track my calories and workouts. Thanks to Pinterest, I discovered the workout jar. You put $1 in the jar for every time you workout. Once you get up to $100, you buy yourself a treat. I'm at $15 and I started the Workout Jar back in February. LOL! Baby steps. I have been consistent with tracking my food. Now I just need to do that with working out. Now that the weather is nice, it won't be too much of a hardship going to the gym (I hope). And I have decided to not let anything or anyone get in my way of getting to the gym. I'm putting myself first. Everyone else can wait.

A friend of mine (ex co-worker), Felicia, was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago and she passed away last month. She fought the entire way. She didn't let the diagnosis or the treatment slow her down. She wasn't sure if she would have a little or a lot of time left so she did everything she wanted to do but had always put on the back burner. She traveled to Europe, visited New Orleans. She had her own bucket-list that she was determined to fulfill. I admire her so. damn. much. And I learned so much from her. Life is too damn short. Live it. Love it. Enjoy it.

That's how I want to live my life. Not everyday will be a great day or even an ok day. But I am going to be appreciative that I am alive to LIVE another day. The one thing Felicia taught me was that we should treat our bodies like a temple. She was into holistic, natural remedies and products and fitness. She was a runner and was trying to get me to start running. Thanks to her, I've started making my own products -- facial cleanser, body scrub, hair treatments. It's cheaper, better for you and you actually know what you're using on your body. My husband is on the same healthier living kick. He is about to turn 41 and he does not want to get the "Whitmore belly" as he calls it. So we as a family have cut back sugar, processed foods, red meat. We do allow ourselves to cheat because you still want to have that nice steak for dinner and that yummy cheesecake for dessert. But we are more cognizant of what we're putting into our body. Like I  told my husband, I don't want to be 50 and taking a bunch of meds to be able to function and get through the day. No sir, that will not be me!

Hopefully this won't be my last post for another 10 months. I will be getting back to being more consistent. We're actually going on vacation this summer to Aruba! (That's another motivator for getting my ass in shape). I will be detailing my journey through life. Some of it may be boring, some may be interesting but either way, I can guarantee I will find a way to make it funny!

How did I get here?

I know that I was supposed to post regularly about losing weight and all that good stuff. Well, of course I didn't do it. I was hoping that during my blogging absence I'd be able to come back and say ta-da! Look at me! I've lost weight! Well that's a negative. If anything, I feel like my body HATES me! I don't eat like a maniac. I'm not one of those people you see on TLC who eats 10,000 calories a day. I eat like a normal person. But my body doesn't seem to get that. It holds onto every single calorie I take in. I've been to the doctors. No, I don't have a thyroid issue.  I wish I did cause at least I'd know what the problem was. I *thought* I knew my body. When I'm not working out consistently, I know how many calories I need to consume to maintain my weight. Well, I've been eating the maintaining calories and I am gaining weight! I'll readily admit that I hate the gym and the idea of working out makes me cringe. I do know that in order to lose weight, it's not all about the diet. I have to exercise. So if I was mainintaining my weight, I'd be fine because I know to lose, I need to workout and eat the same, if not increase my caloric intake. But to be eating within my limits and to still be gaining weight?!?!? That is completely and utterly unacceptable to me.

Now I feel disgusting and nasty. I've gotten to the point where I don't like taking pictures because I know I'm going to look like a beached whale. Saturday we went to a friend's cookout. Everyone was taking pictures. I was hoping to avoid being caught on camera. No such look. So here I am; fat, hot, sweaty.

That's me on the left, in the "slimming" black t-shirt. Who am I foolin? I don't know why my thighs look so freakin big! They're not. I guess it's a bad angle. Or maybe I'm delusional.

I had planned on starting the South Beach Diet today anyway because I figured I needed something to jump start my weight loss. But seeing this picture on Facebook (which I untagged cause I don't want anyone looking at it) has renewed my vigor. I can't go through the rest of my life looking like this and be happy with it. I'm not happy with it! I will be turning 40 in two years. I want to be 40 and FABULOUS. Not 40 and FAT! I am 5'1" and I weigh over 200lbs. GAH! I can't believe I just spilled the beans on my weight. *sigh* But I needed to acknowledge the number so that I can now move away from it. 

So can I get back to this? When I was 20 lbs lighter almost two years ago? I still had some semblance of a waist. That's what I miss the most. I had awesome abs and toned thighs. I want them back!

Or this? When I was 120 and had actual muscles and definition?

My first goal is to get to picture number one. It's about baby steps; setting small goals so that you don't get discouraged.

My goal for this week: Workout 3 times this week. Doesn't mean I'm actually going to the gym. The weather is going to be beautiful this week - high 70s. So I will be taking some, if not all, my walks outside. I still need to incorporate strength training because building muscle helps rev up your metabolism.

I do want to get back to running. I'm hoping once I've lost the first 10 - 15 pounds I can get back to it.

I will be tracking my progress. I need to hold myself accountable. So I'm going to start posting updates every Monday about how the previous week went.

Wish me luck!

NYC Birthday

Last weekend, we went to NYC for hubby's 40th birthday. It was a quick, overnight trip. We left Saturday and returned Sunday. We went to see the Chris Rock play, The Motherf*cker with the Hat. It was surprisingly good. Neither one of us had ever been to a play, especially a Broadway play, before. Because of the short trip, we stayed in Times Square. After the play, we walked around and soaked in NYC and  Times Square. We ended up at a sports bar named Tonic. That place was so much fun. We ended staying, having drinks, listening to music and laughing at the drunk girl who was dancing her butt off! I definitely want to go back to NYC for an extended stay.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to the awesome Moms (and some Dads) out there. May this be a day of family, fun and relaxation.
I told my son last night that I am off the clock officially at 12:01am! LOL! We'll see how that goes.
I plan on having dinner with the family and being pampered and adored. I know the dinner is happening but the latter? Hmph...I'll probably be asked to do something today even though I plan on not lifting a finger.
Enjoy!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Happy Easter!

Fat Tuesday! No Meat Zone.

Laissez Les Bon Temps Roule! (Let The Good Times Roll!)

Today is Fat Tuesday! Woo hoo! One of these days, I want to visit New Orleans during Mardi Gras. I bet that is an experience one will never forget.

Today is my last day as a meat eater; at least for the next 40 days.  I'm not Catholic but since I was 18 and learned about Lent from my college roommates, every year  I have given up a vice for Lent. Last year it was alcohol. At the time, I didn't think I'd be able to do it. The first week was difficult but I managed to last the entire 40 days without drinking. Woo hoo! What did I learn from this? I seriously needed to cut back on my alcohol intake. I still drink now, but not as much as I used to. I would use alcohol as a way to soothe when I was stress or as a sleeping aid. That's not good. It could have easily turned into a terrible, destructible habit. Plus, I don't need those extra, empty calories!

This year I'm giving up MEAT. Yep, I'm going vegetarian. I was thinking about going vegan after watching an episode of Oprah where she and her staff went vegan for 7 days. My brother did it for 7 days and succeeded but he said it wasn't easy. Veganism means you don't eat anything from an animal which means no DAIRY! I love yogurt. I have to have my yogurt everyday so I know I would not have the willpower to be a vegan for 40 days. So I'm going for the next best thing. In conjunction of going vegetarian, I'm also not drinking alcohol again. Might as well go all the way or not at all.

Wish me luck! I'm not a big meat eater but there are times where I crave a burger and must have Popeye's.  Yum!! Tonight we're having leftover lasagna for dinner. It'll be my last meal with meat. I'm so going to savor it!

Motivation (or lack of)

Motivation is a mutha, ain't it? Since my last post I have made it to the gym thrice (3 times). I am awesomely consistent with working out Saturday mornings. But the other days of the week? Not so much. I try to workout before work. I set my alarm at 4:30am with the goal of rolling out of bed and going to the gym. I set two alarms to be exact; scheduled to off 7 minutes apart to make sure that I don't hit the snooze and go back to sleep. Do I go to the gym? Nope. My bed is too comfy and it's too cold outside. I then vow to go to the gym after work. But after a long day at work, a harrowing commute, making dinner, yelling at the kid for who knows what, I'm pretty much exhausted by 7:00pm. I put on my comfy sweats and lounge on the couch until bed time. And this is the cycle that happens everyday, Monday thru Friday.

What am I to do? These are the times where I wish I could afford a personal trainer. Knowing that someone is there waiting for me, someone that I am paying, would help get my ass out the house and to the gym. Unfortunately, a personal trainer is mucho expensive and I don't have that kind of extra money to spend. I don't workout with a friend so I don't have a gym buddy to help keep me motivated. I'm all on my own here.

I need to come up with some type of reward/demerit system for myself. I am my own cheerleader and motivator. I need to focus and stop letting LIFE get in the way. And stop with the excuses and procrastinating. Easier said than done, right?

On the bright side, I've been eating much healthier thanks to not having any migraine medication for almost a month. I've had to do a better job of managing my triggers (food, stress, alcohol) because I didn't have any meds (thanks to my raggedy-ass insurance). That's a long story for another day. Because of this, I've been cutting back on the sugar and fat and alcohol. The change hasn't been reflected on the scale but I am happy that I held off getting a migraine without medication. This is not to say that I don't want my meds; I do. I see the medication as a safety net; Use In Case of Emergency.

I need to schedule my workouts like I schedule doctors appointment. It needs to become a habit; something that I do daily, like eating breakfast. Thankfully a new week is upon us. Let's see how this goes.

Go me!!

Greatest Compliment EVER!

You all know that I'm not cool with aging and getting older. I hate the entire process. I know it's a part of life blah, blah, blah. But it doesn't mean that I have to like it! I just celebrated by 38th birthday and luckily, I haven't dwelled on it too much. I think it's due to being occupied by my shiny, new iPad. Is it possible to fall in love with an electronic gadget? Because I think I have. The iPad is the Best. Invention. Ever! Anyway, I digress......

Friday night was Darrius' basketball practice. I hate that his practice is on a Friday night. Who does that? Some parents do have a social life!

So while the boys were taking a water break, Coach G walked over to me to chat. I didn't feel like being bothered because I was engrossed in watching one of my favorite episodes of  Sex and the City on my iPad. He started talking to me and I reluctantly took my earbuds out of my ears.

Coach G: Are you going to scrimmage with us?
Me: Ummm...no. Don't think so.
Coach G: Your husband scrimmaged with us last week.
Me: Good for him (insert sarcastic tone)
Coach G: Oh come on!
Me: I'm not dressed for it. I'm wearing jeans.
Coach G: If I can run up and down the court with those boys, so can you. You're like, 30, right? I got more years on you. I'm 41.
Me: No I'm not 30 (laughing and preening inside)
Coach G: You're not?
Me: Nope.

So yeah, Coach G thinks I had Darrius when I was 18. LOL! I told him my real age and he was surprised. On the way home, I told Darrius the story. He laughed. I told Darrius that I'm going to start telling everyone that I'm 30 and that I had him when I was 18. Then Darrius added to the story saying I should say that my parents took care of him while I was away at school. Haha!

That's my story. And I'm sticking to it! :D

Happy Birthday to ME!

Today is my birthday. Woo hoo (sarcasm). Another year older *sigh*. I guess eventually I'm going to have to stop fighting this getting older thing as much as I don't like it. I still look great; well at least my skin does. It's the one thing I take care of religiously. Now I just need to take care of my body and I'll be good to go.

My goal going forward is to celebrate each and every birthday instead of bitching about getting older. Yeah okay. I'm such a drama queen about my birthday and I need to stop it. I am blessed to be healthy and alive to see another birthday. It is a cause for celebration. Am I right or am I right? Anyway so here's to a new attitude about birthdays.

I'm going to say it loud and say it proud *clears throat*

HAPPY 38TH BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEE!!!!!

I just have one wish. Can I have him for my birthday. Pretty please with icing on top?

So what's next?

Now that I'm all about a New Me for 2011, what exactly do I want for the "New Me"? Obviously the major goal is to lose weight. But what else? There are a lot of things that I want to improve upon and they are not all physical. Back in 2008, I wrote a post titled "9 Goals for 2009". This list included 9 things that I wanted to cross off my to-do list. Out of the 9, I think I accomplished two. LOL! Some of the items on the list are still things that I want to accomplish, like run in a 5k race.

I am a pessimist at heart and that is one thing that I really want to change. I am quick to be negative or see the negative side of things. My justification? I don't want to be disappointed. So the best thing to do is to think that something's not going to happen so that if it doesn't, the let down is easier. I need to stop doing that. For the next 4 weeks I am going to make a conscious effort to stop being a Debbie Downer. It's not going to be easy. Old habits die hard. But I'm going to try my best.

We've all experienced that point in our lives where we feel like we looked our best. For me, that time was the summer/fall before I got pregnant with D. I was the smallest I'd been in a long time. I weighed 123 lbs and was wearing a size 6. I was working out twice a day and eating healthy. I loved the way my body looked and I was working hard for it. Is it my goal to get back down to 120lbs? No. It would be nice but I know my body has completely changed since having a child and being over 30. My metabolism is on an extended vacation. My goal weight is 130/135. Why that? When I was in college, I had gained the college 15. So when I left college, I weighed around 140-145 lbs. At that weight, I had the one thing that I can't stand - back fat. I abhor it! Can't stand it! Don't want it! May seem petty but that's how I feel. Thanks to my weight gain I have more back fat than I can handle and I'm sick and tired of it. So I know I won't be happy until the back fat is gone!

The pictures below is when I felt my best, 1997 (wow that's a long time ago). Vacationing in the Bahamas, I wore a string bikini for the first time EVER! I haven't worn one since.

I don't know if you can see it clearly in the pic, but I had awesome muscle definition in my thighs. I got that through hours upon hours of spinning.

Halloween (obviously). These jeans were tight as hell! But I had no muffin top, no spill-over. Nothing. I felt good in them.

Those were the good old days or as I like to call them, B.D (before Darrius). I'm going to use these pictures to keep me motivated. These pictures were taken at a time where I was at my healthiest and at my physical best.

The plan is to get back to that place again.

New Year, New Me.

Happy New Year! I know, I know! We're 15 days into the New Year already. Better late than never right? So far 2011 has been good to me. Can't complain. It's only been 15 days, right?  Sorry I haven't been posting here often. My book blog has absolutely consumed what little free time that I have. I'm going to try to post more frequently this year. I promise.

For 2011, I've decided that this will be the year of ME! Last year, I seriously slacked off on taking care of myself - physically, mentally, emotionally. With Alfred being busy with his new business, I was pretty much a single parent last year. Everything was on my shoulders and I felt the full effects of it. Now that he sold his business (believe me that is a good thing) and is no longer working 14+ hours a day, I have the time to focus my energy on the most important person - ME. I had a doctor's appointment last month that made me take a hard look at myself. I'd gained 17 lbs in a year! That's a lot considering I'm only 5'1" and was already carrying around extra weight. I did not need another 17 lbs to add to it. I decided right then and there that this needs to stop. I'm about to turn 38 (yikes!) and my metabolism isn't getting any faster. This weight-gaining crap needs to be stopped in its tracks. So fast forward 3 1/2 weeks and I am finally at a place where I'm ready to stop talking and start doing.

I decided to track my progress on my personal blog. I plan on continuing to blog about family and random stuff (even though I haven't done much of that lately). I am quick to say that I am famous for starting things and not following through. I am the Queen of Not Following Through. Ask me if I've run a 5k yet. Guess what the answer is. A big fat NO. *sigh* So the 5k thing is back on my list also. I don't know what my problem is. I'm lazy, I get discouraged easily, I procrastinate like a mofo and I expect the weight to fall off after 1 week of exercising. I need to stop beating myself up and be realistic. It didn't take a month for this weight to appear and it's not going to take a month to lose it (unfortunately). There's no magic pill; only through exercise and diet will it finally come off.

So here's to a start of a new ME. Know this for sure, I plan on being selfish this year. I've neglected myself for far too long.

Join me on my journey to a new me!

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Happy Birthday D!

I can't believe my baby is 12! I know I always say this but I'm going to say it again - Time flies! He's becoming a little man. He's starting Middle School in September. Soon he'll be going through the dreaded puberty and start thinking about girls! I just hope that as he gets older, he'll still want hugs and kisses from his mom. 

THEN

NOW

Back on the wagon

Hey folks! This is my first post since I deleted my 5k training blog and merged it with this one. Woo hoo?

I can't believe it's August already. Summer is practically over. Yeah, I'm a glass half empty kinda person. Summer has been pretty uneventful for us. No Caribbean vacation for us this summer which totally sucks. I haven't even made it to the pool but one time. I would blame it on being too busy but I'd be lying. The reason why I haven't gone to the pool is because going to the pool would require that I wear a swim suit. And I definitely don't want to do that! Why, you ask? Because I'm probably the only idiot on the planet who has managed to gain weight DURING THE SUMMER! I feel disgusted and disgusting. There is no excuse. I've just been lazy. And when I don't workout at all, my body rebels. It's not like I'm eating tons of food. But ever since I hit 35, my metabolism has shut down. I could eat the daily recommended calories or less, not workout and STILL gain weight. But if I eat the same way and exercise, I maintain my weight. So what the hell do I need to do to lose? Starve? I'm starting to think that's the case.

I started working out again last week after my unplanned hiatus. I was super out of shape and when I was done, I was super sore. I attempted to workout to the week 1 5k running podcast and I thought I was going to have a heart attack I was breathing so hard. That's not good. Not good at all. I'm going to keep working out, eating healthy, drinking my H2O and hope that the scale starts budging. I'm also going to schedule an appointment with my doctor. I need to get a physical just to make sure there's not something else going on with my body that's got it acting all weird. Oh! Forgot to mention - my migraines are BACK! after not having regular migraines for 2 years! I now have one every two to three weeks. Not normal. Not appreciated. I'm having sleeping issues and my skin is breaking out. I'm wondering if I'm experiencing menopause? Isn't everything tied to our hormones? All I know is my body is a mess and I need somebody to fix it.

I know - TMI. But that's how I roll (sometimes).

I'm back to square one with the 5k running. Boo! I'm still all about The Chubby Jones podcast to workout to. It's fun and the music is great.

Anyway, I will try to post more often. I know it's been mad sporadic on this side of the world but my goal is to remedy that.

I still have pics from the 4th of July I need to upload. Yep, I suck.

Catch y'all on the flip side!

6th Grade Graduation

Last Thursday, Darrius' school had their Promotion Ceremony. The kids in teh 6th grade are leaving behind elementary school and headed to the big league - Middle School. I don't know where the time has gone. It feels like just yesterday I was registering D for kindergarten. My baby is no longer a baby.

The graduates seats

Of course, with the last name starting with W, you're destined to sit in the back

Darrius' "graduation" certificate

D got the Presidential Fitness certificate

The grandparents came out to celebrate the occassion

After the ceremony, there was cake and punch at the school. Afterwards, we went to Darrius' favorite restaurant, Bertucci's, for some brick-oven pizza. Once lunch was over, the grandparents headed home and I became a taxi for 4 ex-sixth graders. They had their graduation party at a bowling alley.

Now it's summer and Darrius will be attending summer camp. He also has homework that will count as his first English test grade. I still can't believe he's going to middle school. Time truly goes by too fast.